su & hao

There is no reason to spend a perfectly good afternoon mulling over what could have been… although, oh the possibilities! My well laid out plans to make life more fun and well spent. I suddenly grasp the importance of time and how it is leaking me by like water in a cracked glass you’ve put on the table. Next thing you know it’s all over – the table top, the carpet, the floor – water is evaporating everywhere except within your very possession. Life will be over soon. Even if we were to dwell in misery every single day, seek comfort that life will be over. And even if we live in happiness, life will be over erasing all of that from our consciousness. Which is to say, everything in existence, and all that we see and feel will only matter for a very short time. The very short time is now.

Yet we humans keep on working ourselves to deaths, complaining, frittering, hating. There must have been a defective stage in evolution, which made humans stupid enough to keep doing these things they neither find worthwhile nor gratifying.

I am not picking on work. I do think that work is part of what gives meaning to life. But is it necessary to work so many hours? The amount of time I spend working versus the amount of time I spend cultivating my numerous interests is grossly imbalanced. At work I do administrative work, I manage people, troubleshoot matters and facilitate events, and honestly there is little creativity, enjoyment or satisfaction. But I do not hate it. It challenges me, especially, to bring out some wit to handle different people in different situations. I just don’t want to work so many hours and I don’t dare to do anything about it. For now. It must be for a reason that I don’t yet know. One day there’d come a reason for me to action.