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On the day of Wednesday, 26 July 2006,20:46:00
My return date has been pushed back and back again.
ぜんぜんやる気がない。
So I've taken off the ticker for now.
自分の世界に戻りたい。
 寂しい。
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On the day of Saturday, 22 July 2006,17:17:00
WH, how do you make those countdown thingies? Although the exact date of my return is not confirmed yet but can I have one? So, you know, can let my fans have an idea when to start airing the red carpet, prepare banners etc.
Some time ago, Mom told me that Waipo may come live with us in the near future. They are thinking of selling her flat after the upgrading. I’m all for it because although I cannot communicate with old people, I actually like them. But The Home is not that big. We’ll have to make space at the piano area which may be difficult. But it should be workable, we’ll see.
And now do they see why having the piano in my room would’ve been a good idea? Which just reminds me of the time when we were doing up The Home. I said, “I want the piano in my room.
Dad said, “Don’t want lah. Why don’t you don’t put the piano in your room?”
“No, I want the piano in my room.”
Then on a later occasion, the designer said, “I think you should take the piano out of your room because with it in there it’s impossible for us to do anything at all.”
So I said, “Okay.”
And Dad said, “Wah! The designer is so persuasive! I have been trying to get her to not have the piano in her room for the longest time but she just wouldn’t listen.”
The O.S. in my heart went like this: He only said ‘don’t put the piano in your room’. That’s hardly persuasion. But the designer used the magic key word ‘impossible’. If it were impossible for them to do anything then it only made sense for me to oblige.
I don’t dream of having a spacious room because I like to have all my things within an arm’s length, so I don’t have to get up and walk around much. But now I do wish my room is that bit bigger so that I can have the piano in. Or that we have one more room in The Home so Waipo wouldn’t have to squeeze with the piano.
On the topic of my room, I gave very explicit instructions before I left:
1) If you are using my computer, turn on the air-con.
2) You can use my room but…
3) If you are using my room, keep it clean.
Safe to say, they did not follow. (Wooooo!!! Su not around liao!!! We can anyhow, anyhow do what we want liao!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dance dance dance*)
My CPU was kept under the table and backed into a wall. Because of that, it overheated easily and would send horrible beeping signals but this problem could be solved simply by turning on the air-conditioning. Would they comply though? Noooooooooooooooo…………. I can hear the beep when I Skype them lor!
So then what happened? My CPU collapsed from the heat and they had to send in Mr Tan. Then now how? THEY PUT MY CPU ON TOP OF THE TABLE!!! WAHLAO!!! DAMN ANGRY LOR!!! The whole point of it being under the table is so that it’ll be hidden, because it’s too ugly to be seen. And my table top scratches easily lor. ARGH! I am Fatt Lan Zar-ing now; my little tumour of anger just grew an inch in diameter. But never mind, out of sight out of mind. They better revert everything to as-per-I-had-left-it before I get back. Or else… …
Or else… Or else… What? OR ELSE WHAT? Or else nothing lor, or else the angry tumour in me will explode and together with it, I’ll sublimate. Hahahahaa… Hmmm… how does that work?
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On the day of Wednesday, 19 July 2006,11:45:00
Hi everyone, says the cat in the box.  
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On the day of Monday, 17 July 2006,15:34:00
 A long overdue blog to keep the heart pumping.
I was thinking of a Beyond song on my way back from London because I couldn’t fall asleep on the coach. I know:
1) It’s by Beyond
2) Jacky Cheung sang it in his latest concert CD
3) How the chorus goes
But I couldn’t remember the title or the rest of the song. Think. Think. Think. What were the lyrics? If I could only remember the lyrics I’m sure I’d remember the whole damn thing. I’d sung this song in Sunday class before and had even copied the lyrics out. I remember Joey gave a gasp and whispered, “Beyond!” when she realised I was gonna sing this song because, well, it is Beyond!
I admit, I emitted soft, trial&error noises on the coach as I struggled to recall. Hum. Hum. Hum. How painful it is to think up forgotten melodies. Finally, when Lian woke up, I asked her and SHE KNEW THE SONG! That’s like the one and only Beyond song she knows. Lucky me! Anyway, I came home and did a search for the lyrics and here it goes:
情人
盼望你沒有為我又再度暗中淌淚
我不想留低 你的心空虛
盼望你別再讓我像背負太深的罪
我的心如水 你不必癡醉
* WOO... 你可知 誰甘心歸去
你與我之間 有誰#
是緣是情是童真 還是意外
有淚有罪有付出 還有忍耐
是人是牆是寒冬 藏在眼內
有日有夜有幻想 無法等待
盼望我別去後會共你在遠方相聚
每一天望海 每一天相對
盼望你現已沒有讓我別去的恐懼
我即使離開 你的天空裡
Repeat * #
多少春秋風雨改 多少崎嶇不變愛
多少的唏噓的你在人海Repeat #
NOW, I remember EVERYTHING!!!
I have an urge to listen to my Beyond CDs. You see, that’s the thing about being away from my CDs. I also want to listen to the Jacky Cheung concert CD. All of which I did not convert into MD or MP3. Sighs, that’s the thing about being away from my CDs.
Anyway, there's a picture of Lian and I doing the tourist thing in London! Heehee, JY, you really wakaru leh! I'll see how about blogging about the trips lah... Leaving for York in a while!
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On the day of 15:33:00
Changes
P-chan was talking to MiPPi-chan and thinking… God, we’re still on the same topic we started 5000 years ago. But P-chan was kind, so P-chan went on to humour MiPPi-chan, although she found that topic stale. She told MiPPi-chan that some things never change and some things have the capacity for change and some things will eventually change. MiPPi-chan was happy to hear about all that change. P-chan figured she’d be. Afterall, she had been on the same topic for 5000 years. Her subconscious craved change… surely?
Anyway, MiPPi-chan missed P-chan and P-chan missed MiPPi-chan and there was no telling who missed who more but that wasn’t important.
The important thing was that P-chan meant well even when she was humouring MiPPi-chan. And even though she knew MiPPi-chan sensed that she had graduated from the 5000 year old mind set, MiPPi-chan had seemed happy for her. It didn’t matter that they were different.
Finally, P-chan knew it in her heart that one day, good things will happen to MiPPi-chan because MiPPi-chan is really smart and kawaii.
Narrator: ME
Characters: P-chan & MiPPi-chan
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On the day of Friday, 7 July 2006,05:02:00
Ohayo! Instead of the usual coffee I’m having green tea. It should help to expel some of the oil I consumed yesterday. Because after the bagel and croissant, I’m on a roll! Hoho! No lah, I didn’t have a roll, I had Ciabatta yesterday.
 This is my 特性 ラムバーグ·チアバッタ (Special Lamburg Ciabatta). The minced lamb is very oily, which is why I need the green tea.
*****
*****
(twelve hours later) Lian is here! We I went shopping! Will show some of my buys when I have enough energy to take pictures of them. The pictures of me today are cho off form cos I never ma-ke. Hope I won't have problems falling asleep tonight because we have to get up early tomorrow to go to Stratford-upon-Avon. Looking forward to the afternoon tea here. Tomorrow I shall ma-ke and be more onz form and hopefully I’ll have better pictures!
On a completely different note, I’ve been pretty taken with Jason Mraz (again, I know). I’m getting his concert DVD off Amazon (I have the soft copy but still…). We can watch it together when I get back. Heeeeeee!!!!!
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On the day of Wednesday, 5 July 2006,19:38:00
I bumped into a friend at Costcutter’s the other day.
“How are you?” she asked.
“Good, very good and you?”
“Good.” Short pause, then, “why do you look so… … pale?”
Pale?
ROOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I felt what little blood I had left, drain from my face and neck.
“Maybe it’s because I had not been sleeping well. Aha aha aha aha aha aha aha aha…”
I had been, for the past months, rosy from the autumn cold, winter cold and spring cold. Now that summer is here, I’m looking pale… and yellow. Sallow. Argh!!! Offer me a neck now and I will wring it till my knuckles turn pale. No wait, what colour is it?
If you’re wondering why I’m blogging so much, it’s because I’ve been having difficulties falling asleep. I spend the three hours or so before I enter dreamland constructively thinking up things to blog. Other times I fantasise about food or being back in Singapore. Yawn.Where got pale??? 我氣色好得很呢！
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On the day of 18:57:00
No wonder I’m screwed up!
I mentioned my aunts in the previous entry about food, yeah? That and a recent chat with HW about childhood made me realize how my aunts (The Aunt) totally screwed me up as a kid. Sigh… I am so poor thing.
One of the most frequent comments that came from said Aunt when I was a child (notice how she stopped making that comment now that I have safely blossomed into a screwed up adult) was this: 奶奶最疼Beverly的，hor?
‘Hor?’ added to disguise the statement. So it becomes a question so, you know, somebody had to reply her (good, obliging kids as we were).
I’m thinking, maybe The Aunt wanted more sibling rivalry for family drama? Hmmm… Nah… she’s just evil lah! Where do you think I got my evil streak from? Hahahaa… Ok, ok, it’s from my Mom but The Aunt contributed to some of it.
To tell the truth, I’d never notice the favouritism until the ‘adults’ made a big deal of it. (Sigh, ‘adults’) My 奶奶 was in so very little of my childhood for it to be evident and for her to even matter enough. I only spent about a year of my childhood with her? But even after she died (I was ten), the ‘奶奶最疼Beverly’ statement persisted over and over, again and again. Garnished with an imitation (by The Aunt of course) of how my 奶奶 would go ‘Ngai Eh Beverly’ (My Beverly) – I’d never heard my 奶奶 say it before so in my memory, it's only in The Aunt’s voice, her mannerisms. Sometimes she’d even ask, ‘Would she (奶奶) say Ngai Eh Suyi?’ Like DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whenever The Aunt made this comment, and my Mom was around, she would hurry to say, “But Suyi 有奶妈疼。” As a kid I would think, if Ming had a 奶妈 wouldn’t her 奶妈 love her too? Perhaps it wasn’t but at that time, that sounded like a consolation to me. I mean, I knew my 奶妈很疼我 (and only I had a 奶妈)，but what had that got to do with whether 奶奶 favours Ming? (And it wasn’t like it was just between Ming and I, Ming was favoured over all the grandkids but I was the only one bearing the brunt of The Aunt’s insufferable comments.)
Was it supposed to matter that my 奶奶preferred my sis? I only learnt that when it bothered them. In compensating me with my 奶妈was how my Mom had unwittingly conveyed to me that I was in a wanting situation. But she only did what was most natural to her and it was also a reflex to deflect the seeds of resentment The Aunt was trying to sow. I’m just glad that Ming and I didn’t grow up competitive. What with all the hidden see!-Ming-has-one-you-will-also-have-one messages. Although I did become nutty (but it’s ok in a way cos my family is crank, not I say one, my mother say one).
I suppose it didn’t strike me as a thing to take note of the first time I heard it, because I don’t remember the first time at all. What I remember is it recurring countless times. And by the time it committed to memory, it was dreadful. The little me didn’t know how to react to The Aunt. I thought to myself, how does she want me to react? I admit I was agitated, because I knew she was trying to agitate me… yeah, I fell right into her trap; she was, after all, older and better at it. Whenever I got agitated, I also got very extreme. I was reacting to The Aunt and her intentions and sarcasm instead of the matter itself and I didn't know how to handle that.
Because if it were only about Ming, then I would say, ‘I’m so happy for her full stop. Why? No why, just plainly happy full stop.’
But reacting to The Aunt made me feel like saying, ‘So what?’ but I didn't say it because that was a rude thing to say, and I cannot be rude. (I really got it from my parents the once I was rude to The Aunt but that’s another story)
‘So what?’ also sounded defensive which wasn’t how I felt.
I also thought I could feign an interest in the matter and go, ‘Pray, tell, how did she favour my sis?’ But that’s fake lah, so I didn't. Besides, her best example was just how my 奶奶would say: Ngai Eh Beverly. The End.
So most of the time, I would put on a half smile and an expression of waiting, waiting for the next topic to come because this one doesn’t involve or interest me much. Sometimes I wonder why The Aunt was so evil and why The Aunt wanted to screw me up. But no, I think The Aunt just wanted to screw everybody up, not just me, I was just more available and susceptible (being kind as I am). And the strangest thing is that The Aunt actually loves me and I know that as a fact too… sigh, life.
The Uncle also made a feeble attempt at this business by telling my Mom that I would grow up to be a PaiKia with tattoos. Like, huh??? Wahlao, I hardly knew The Uncle lor. He lived in Malaysia and seldom visited us but he was wise enough to know my future? Wahahaha… did his third eye not warn him that I am a Witch? That I would grow up to be evil and powerful? And look who’s emaciated now, living in poverty having eloped to The Philippines? Rule #1 for Rude Uncles: Do not prophesy until niece is proven not a Witch.
Now come my present screwed up personality.
If anyone tells me good news, e.g.: so and so complimented me. Unless for some reason I am truly happy for that person (which actually occurs more often than you think), most of the time I’d put on a half smile and well, dunno what to say. Ok, lah, actually I’ll say ‘Wah! So good ah?’ It’s more of a ‘dunno what to think’ than ‘dunno what to say’. Should I be really happy? Because I probably am not feeling naturally happy if I am thinking that; so should I try harder? Should I wait and see if my Mom will appear and say, ‘See! You also have’? Most of the time, I take the same old strategy, I just wait for the next topic to start.
So you see I cannot be happy for The Public in general because I’ve been conditioned to be blasé. Sometimes I’ll suspect if the good-news-bearer is trying to slip in a sharpened blade somewhere, just like The Aunt. I am the Queen of Insinuations by the way. And the Queen of Paranoia… ok, I share that title with WH & XY. Erm… what was the point I was trying to make? Oh yah, how The Aunt screwed me up. But erm… don’t take me too seriously (I know you people have to be reminded from time to time).
It’s difficult being parents, isn’t it? How do you fend off such weirdoes screwing up your kid head? How would you know the way to remedy it? That’s why HW and I were saying we cannot make it as mothers… I’d probably end up the one destroying my kid. But Jane says she trusts me (thanks Jane!) to teach her kid English, hurhur, Singlish more like it! And maybe singing. And she says I can be her kid’s Fairy Godmother! Woohoo!!! Hurhurhur! My first step to screwing up other people’s children.
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On the day of 04:19:00
Yawn, I am so sleepy. I have over worked myself. I was Fitness Queen for the past three days. Day one I went swimming, day two I did Yoga and day three I went swimming again. I'm so fit I’m not even aching much (just a little here and there). You know how if you don’t wash your hair for ten thousand days or so they start to self cleanse? The human body have mysterious functions indeed. I suspect, I have not exercised for so long that my body have decided to self-fit itself! Sonnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must be really lucky. Good work body!
And now I’m going to save my work because the lousy MSWords just crashed on me causing me to lose what I’ve blogged.
I dun even remember what it was that I blogged… I have a lousy memory. Something about ‘Lian is coming on Thursday’ and ‘Yay’. I remember there was this part where I wrote I’m sure I can convince Lian to ‘share leh, share’ (aka HW) food with me. I also wrote that I actually have a lot of work to do. Anyone wants to let me plagiarise their poems? (XY strictly not included, thank you very much)
I have been sniffing out places to eat (what’s with the obsession man???) in London and around my boring Uni. I remember now! My boring Uni! I wrote that I meant to take more pics of my boring Warwick life so I could show and tell but then I just haven’t got down to it cause I’m that lazy. And cause it’s weird to be seen snapping pictures alone around campus. And that although I am weird, I don’t intend to announce it to the world at large as it’s none of their business. They shouldn’t be so kaypoh. Curse them! (hurhurhur… HW… you know what I mean…) When Lian comes she’ll be my nakama in photo-taking. She likes taking photos too. She also likes to eat meat (and it is at this point that I said) but I’m sure I can convince her to ‘share leh, share’ food with me (from the – hopefully – onz form eateries that I have found). Whew.
I have been watching this anime about bread-making called Yakitate and it has made me gian bread. I had my bagel yesterday and a croissant today. The croissant was cho oishii!!! I wonder if it’s anywhere near the Super Vapour Action 648-or something croissant that Suwabara baked in the show. He tried to out-do Azuma Kazuma’s 324 layer croissant. Thing is, I remember when I was learning about Rough puff/Filo pastries in school, the teacher mentioned that it didn’t matter going beyond a certain number of layers because after that you just can’t taste the difference anymore (so it’s just wasting effort folding the dough once more). And so, what’s with the 648 layers??? Don’t tell me the screenwriter/manga artist didn’t do his homework???
Anyway, just for my info, you know how you can eat beef rare or medium rare but not for pork? What about lamb? Lemme know so I don’t get food poisoning, ok?
Ok, I shall try to do some work now… lazy me...
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On the day of 03:25:00
I'm putting in more effort now! (Dunno if this will last though.) Had a bagel while watching Superband yesterday. Here's a close up pic of it. The Bagel of course, not Superband or yesterday.
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On the day of Monday, 3 July 2006,21:54:00
I've almost forgotten how much I love food. Almost.
I’ve told this story before but anyways, there was once we were planning what to eat in Malaysia (so many possibilities, so little time) and JY asked, “Do you like stingray? There’s this place (she proceeded to describe how cho oishii the stingray at some place is).”
“Yah, yah! I like… let’s go, let’s go.” I thought… Oh God, MUST GO! MUST GO!
“What about Food B (another food, forgot what)?”
“Yah! I like. I cho onz Food B one!” Then she described the Food B at some place and it sounded cho cho cho oishii. I thought, cho onz, must go!
“Oh, I dunno if you like Food C leh. Do you eat Food C one? Cos there’s this place… (oishii description again)”
“Of course… I LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Aiyah, should have known, no need to ask you, you everything also like.”
Yes, I EVERYTHING ALSO LIKE!!!!!!! As long as it’s OISHII!!! When it comes to food, I am adventurous and I AM GREEDY. I am the original Greedy Liew, ok?
But that episode with JY was eons ago and since coming to the UK, I sometimes forget how enthusiastic I am for food, both eating and cooking. There were times I couldn’t even be bothered to walk, what, twenty steps to the kitchen. The problem might be that I have to share the kitchen with seven other people and I hate people looking at me do stuff, even if they are not actually watching. God, I’m weird. But not like I dunno… hurhurhur… I just want absolute privacy even when I’m cooking lor (there are exceptions lah, ok). Sighs… I used to bake so often! Even when I was in Japan I took care to cook properly! Now I only ‘cook properly’ occasionally.
Another thing is, I only like to eat oishii food and if it’s average or what then to me it’s wasting calories. Then it becomes food for subsistence. Not to say I turn my nose up at them. Generally I live to eat but sometimes I eat to live too. And sad to say, there's hardly any oishii home-cooking here.
I so miss my Mom’s 糖水!!! I miss my Mom’s cooking!!! I know, everybody will say like, Oh their Mom can cook so well blah, blah (ok, not some of you but you know, The Public, in general)… but I don’t usually, really believe them lor. However, I believe that my Mom’s 糖水 is really onz lor!!! And her 卤鸭 too! And her Chicken Curry if she doesn’t try to be funny (healthy?) and replace the coconut milk with this or that.
Ok, my list of things to eat back in Singapore is now at number 27. I know that’s not a lot of food because I don’t miss many things, just 27 (up till now). Because like for example 烧腊, the Four Seasons (not hotel) in London is damn good, so no need to wait for Singapore. Although for things like Dim Sum, although you can get good Dim Sum here but it’s so much cheaper and in abundance in Singapore. So yeah, Dim Sum is on my list. What else? Qi Ji’s Popiah!!! And Jap food… the Jap food here sucks. No, I suppose the good ones are damn ex, like Nobu for example, so I haven’t tried them.
Oh, I’m having porridge tonight! I miss my Grandma’s porridge but she hasn’t been cooking it (during CNY) for many years now. Too mafan. When I go back to Singapore I’m gonna have her teach me (again) her 粽子 which are like… The Best. I will write down every step from step one to step n. And I will ask if she can teach me how to make 角仔… though I’m not really a fan of 角仔 but everybody else seem to like them so ok lah, I (I’m pointing to myself now) shall 牺牲小我啦！
My babysitter or 奶妈 said that it’s not good to stop making CNY goodies once you’ve started. It’s like a tradition or something and if you stop then its bad… bad luck or bad something. I dunno… on some years I bake CNY cookies but on some years I don’t leh. Maybe I should do it consistently from now on… or at least when I take over the 角仔 making.
My paternal Grandma or 奶奶 who passed away when I was ten used to make very onz 鸡酒 and 客家酿豆腐. But HOW FOOLISH!!!! My aunties never bothered to learn them properly!!! And now whenever any one of them attempt to replicate 奶奶’s taste? CANNOT MAKE IT LOR!!!!!!!!!!!! And the others (and sometimes the cook herself) will say ‘Mm Qi Ee Meh Ge’ (dun taste like what my Grandma used to make). Of course Mm Qi lor… you never put in the effort to learn, where got can make it? A pity I was too young, I don’t even remember what my 奶奶’s food taste like. Ok lah, but to my aunts’ credit they can cook pretty well too lah (when they are in the mood).
Why oh why did the moth fly into my room and how did it come in? I’ve kept my windows shut for the longest time. Anyway, I need to buy another bottle of insecticide. I could tell the moth was in agony, fluttering its wings but unable to fly. The only thing I could do was to squish it in a plastic bag, so at least it dies fast. But not without taking this pic first.
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On the day of Saturday, 1 July 2006,18:05:00
I lost one day! Today is Saturday but I thought it's Friday. Woke up, logged into gmail, no emails. Friday, how can be no emails? Double checked with Miffy, God, it's Saturday! No wonder. And yesterday, I spent the day thinking it was Thursday. So this shows what? Shows I'm having such a good time lazing around that my days fly me by!!! Better start doing work. Soon.
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Profile
Coming soon
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