星期四, 六月 11, 2009
Suddenly thought of an annoying moment at work today. It's bugging me and making me feel belittled, so I am attempting to blog it out.
This afternoon, I was in a meeting with a dance choreographer and a bunch of colleagues, to iron out some PR and logistical details for an upcoming performance. Every art form be it paintings, sculpture or films, will face the need to sell the art (unless you are damn rich and don't mind performing to no audience). So although it is gruelling and quite a chore to be worrying about high res pictures and interesting copy, as opposed to glamour and oh creation, every respectable artist should know that they have to somewhat participate in this process. Especially when we have commissioned them - we give them money - to do whatever they are doing.
So anyway, when I asked said choreographer for the music CDs of the artists he was working with for our reception, something in him short circuited and he stretched his hands out on the table and blabbered, "Don't bother me with these things, I have to concentrate on choreographing and when I'm doing that I cannot think of things like this, you know!"
Well his negligible 'things like this' is my job loh. To begin with I am unimpressed with his choreography and he is ugly. But I will still do what I need to do because I am responsible and professional. And if I can do what I need without his inputs, I will not be asking him (or anybody), I will be getting it done. While I will always be slogging behind-the-scenes like everybody's PA in this job, he will at least get to bask in the glory of seeing his face on the paper, of having people at his performance, of being a success in the eyes of those VVVVVVIPs who will be at the reception... and then perhaps more recognition and more jobs. I know he needs all his time and brain cells for artistic pursuits, but hey, my work done well will only benefit him. What a myopic nut.
Ok, blogging has proven effective! Hah! Now I feel better and can go sleep. Tomorrow will be a great day!
su | 12:35:00 上午 |
星期日, 五月 31, 2009
Presenting... ...
Bak Chor Mee...................................
and me! And Fried Kway Teow................................
and me! All having a good time :D
su | 5:39:00 下午 |
星期一, 五月 04, 2009
Sunday was baking day so I brought out the fiery red weighing scale! I love to measure out the ingredients then place them in different plates, like playing on a beach and shovelling sand into colourful pails and buckets.
The flour goes into the sift which sits on the big white Corelle plate. The sugar goes directly into the big metallic mixing bowl, on top of the butter which has been brought out from the refrigerator just ten minutes ago so it’s pillowy soft but not melted. Eggs will first sit unbroken in a Japanese rice bowl. Later they will be lightly cracked into the same bowl and very gently whisked with a spoon. An inch of cold milk, any cup will do to add to this eclectic mix of crockery display.
Then out comes my mom’s mixer of twenty years that has served us very well – a cream coloured machine that is always raring to go. Because the weather has been so hot, the air conditioning needs to be turned on or the butter will melt too quickly which makes the batter runny.
Creaming, whisking, folding-in, the mixture evolves from a thick clotted cream to a slippery batter. Then as it interacts with the flour, it thickens and takes on the right identity.
I split the mixture to make cupcakes and the individual cups really came into their own when they ballooned quietly in the orange heat of the oven. Sneaky was the smell that snaked around the apartment, betraying the identity of our little friends.
I love to bake! (And eat!)
su | 9:28:00 下午 |
There is no reason to spend a perfectly good afternoon mulling over what could have been… although, oh the possibilities! My well laid out plans to make life more fun and well spent. I suddenly grasp the importance of time and how it is leaking me by like water in a cracked glass you’ve put on the table. Next thing you know it’s all over – the table top, the carpet, the floor – water is evaporating everywhere except within your very possession. Life will be over soon. Even if we were to dwell in misery every single day, seek comfort that life will be over. And even if we live in happiness, life will be over erasing all of that from our consciousness. Which is to say, everything in existence, and all that we see and feel will only matter for a very short time. The very short time is now. Yet we humans keep on working ourselves to deaths, complaining, frittering, hating. There must have been a defective stage in evolution, which made humans stupid enough to keep doing these things they neither find worthwhile nor gratifying. I am not picking on work. I do think that work is part of what gives meaning to life. But is it necessary to work so many hours? The amount of time I spend working versus the amount of time I spend cultivating my numerous interests is grossly imbalanced. At work I do administrative work, I manage people, troubleshoot matters and facilitate events, and honestly there is little creativity, enjoyment or satisfaction. But I do not hate it. It challenges me, especially, to bring out some wit to handle different people in different situations. I just don’t want to work so many hours and I don’t dare to do anything about it. For now. It must be for a reason that I don’t yet know. One day there’d come a reason for me to action.
su | 8:16:00 下午 |
星期二, 二月 24, 2009
Hello, my name is Wabi... Hello to you!
su | 11:11:00 下午 |
星期四, 一月 29, 2009
头发都长了。年初二在舅舅家跟明和表妹谈笑，突然在落地大镜子里看见自己，头发都垂过肩膀了。随后想起那几年前的青春头，想起王菲那首《当时的月亮》。
其实我们的皮肤每天都在新陈代谢，指甲修了又长，但头发总是特别。可能是因为发型能影响外型，而外型能影响心情，所以头发原来也能主宰幸福。如果你允许它的话。
通常长发给人感觉较成熟，较女人，而短发就很帅气，爽朗。当然也有男孩子气的长发，病态的短发，我都碰过。有人喜欢漂白了又染，要不然起直了又卷，顶着一头的个性。青春烂漫，两鬓斑白就更浪漫，你看杨过。
叹气时它代表时间的流逝，静下来时它代表时代的变迁。头发是重要的！
我的头发啊，越来越长了。我没有理个新发型迎接新年，因为本想过了年就狠心地把它斩断。但是它静静地向我的心脏蔓延去……还是暂时留长吧！
最后，要祝大家过年都高高兴兴地。
人生不论多难熬，希望往往存放在下一步。下一秒，下一分，下一次见面。希望在阳光满满的办公室，在第二杯咖啡，在新的一年。所以新年新希望不是盖的！
su | 4:19:00 下午 |
星期三, 一月 14, 2009
原来我们一直在等。
等早上的地铁，等咖啡店点咖啡，等红绿灯过马路。
等电脑启动，等开会，等同事的回复好办事。
等午饭时间，等谁来一则简讯，等放工。
等电影上映，等餐馆上菜，等雨停。
等心情变好，等CD播下一首歌，等电话终于响起。
等好好入睡，等成熟些，等转角可能一阵凉风让我觉得长大了。
原来不管我们多努力地活在现在，终究还是逃不过等待。
所以慢慢开始了解，等待不但充满无奈，更充满了期待。
su | 1:49:00 上午 |
星期五, 一月 09, 2009
I open my paper dry eyes to another brand new day in a brand new year. The pain in my head and my back is gone, thankfully. The bed is warm and comfortable, unlike New Year’s Eve when I lay sweating and feverish and the heat from my body felt intense but artificial. The flu had lasted a total of four days. On the first day I woke up nose all itchy and runny more like an allergy at play from some pesky dust mites or wrongly consumed food. Later at full force, there would be nothing playful about it which confined me in bed like a corpse to a coffin, my physical world at once shrunk within the four corners of my blanket. The aches were the worst. I felt like there was a big bruise at the back of my head and someone was kneading away at it, trying to make me feel better but actually killing me. There’s more of the same shit in smaller knots all over my shoulders and back. I was quite dizzy all the time and had only a quarter of my usual energy level.
What a way to start the year. Being there in bed, unfit and somewhat discarded by the active physical world, I had many thoughts slipping in and out of my head as I lolled between the borders of wake and sleep. Different parts of my life would creep up on me and I see them like selected scenes from a movie, people and voices. Those were not comedic or heart warming scenarios. It’s an unsettling world in there, behind my closed eyelids.
I’ve come to realise that life is full of battles to be faced alone because oftentimes, our greatest enemy is really ourselves. In this day and age we’re more spiritual and philosophical, and we pride ourselves on being our best rival, but this does not guarantee that we wouldn’t hurt ourselves crazy playing the role of our greatest critic. It’s me I don’t like to be stuck with sometimes, me, so brutally honest to myself, that my wrath, envy and pride could strut brazenly in their naked glory. And that morbid, masochistic mind that made me witness over and over, words that I wished I never said, expressions I wish I have never seen and that uncontrollable frustration that made me want to tear my skin apart and with my bare fingernails.
I jumped from one random torturous thought to another, slicing through time and space, physically turning my face away when I could no longer bear the anguish, but what good would that do since those were but intangible thoughts in the first place?
I wonder if I am alone in having thoughts like that. Irksome matters that give so much dread and gloom.
Anyhow, I think I was purging all the sickness from my body and soul before the Chinese New Year. And I am glad. Because for a moment I did not know how I was going to react to this influx of negativity. I lugged it around for a while even after I recovered from the flu, easily accustomed to its weight. But in the end, I did the most over stated, under rated thing, I high-fived with the self-help section at the bookshop and shifted my point of view.
I’m not sure how it happened and when exactly but I would like to think that 2008 has matured me and like a little piece of cheese or a glass of wine, I am better. I manage detractors better because I manage my mind better. It is still a little bizarre to me, this managing my mind thing. I liken it to the fifth day of the new year, a fresh Monday when I was given back my health, I felt like I was wearing a new piece of skin and I had to get used to flexing my fingers and toes. It is almost unbelievable that such dexterity could return after the spate of warfare with the flu virus. I thought things like optimism belonged to people of a different make, but hey, I was only discriminating against myself... so there, happy New Year. May it only get better.
su | 10:05:00 下午 |
and me! All having a good time :D
Sunday was baking day so I brought out the fiery red weighing scale! I love to measure out the ingredients then place them in different plates, like playing on a beach and shovelling sand into colourful pails and buckets.
